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T here are few feelings worse than being dumped. But being the one to end the relationship may be a close second. Finally, resist the urge to soften the blow with platitudes. Both Winch and Sussman say in-person breakups are the most considerate and mature option for established couples, and should preferably happen in a private place. That said, there are a few exceptions to the face-to-face rule, Winch says. Most importantly, if you fear for your safety in any way, you should keep your distance.


To really heat up the sheets, to storm the gates of Isengard, to Spock her Kirk, you must be the guy who gets off on meeting her needs—and she will never be needier than at the end of the affair. Take it from a girl who gets around, who has an adult lifetime of naked data: Men who dumped me hard always thought they were much better in bed than they really were.

Do it face-to-face

Without exception, men who left incompetently were mediocre when they came. My most memorable, legendary partners have been heroic all the way out the door. So nail the dismount. Learn to do it the humane way, like putting down a pet—gently and with dignity, not with rocks and a pillowcase. It will vastly improve your game. Charlize ghosted Sean Penn, then he took a murderous drug kingpin to lunch.

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It made him crazy. My last boyfriend, some journalist, was an ardent electronic pen pal—daily e-mails, nightly cock shots—until he disapparated. The technology that makes it easy for you to go AWOL makes it impossible, too. We see you on Instagram, Twitter, and with night-vision goggles in front of your house. But mostly, relationships are nuanced things.

Dating is a long, emotional job interview. You may have been with the wrong candidate. Your mother probably wrote it.

From 19 to 24, all the men I dated preferred malingering at the door rather than just leaving. It was needles under my fingernails. Taking time and space to think is waterboarding.

Canceling five dates in a row then scheduling a sixth? Electrodes on the netherbits. Women are totally on to this strategy. We can and will retaliate with hunger strikes, prison riots, and a shiv before breaking out of your creepy relationship Guantanamo. Some men feel extremely sorry for themselves, delivering long, sad speeches as they go.

With infinite options for future hookups, why be nice to a woman while ditching her? among other reasons, it'll pay off big down the road.

That Act III monologue on the weight of your baggage is useful to no one. In the midst of a break-up, she should not have to hear about the cast of offstage actors in your difficult life. A guy whose grandparents were Holocaust survivors used Hitler as an excuse for being an asshole as he dumped me. Then sent flowers—such a shit.

One of my exes kept everything I left behind until finally I swallowed my bile and requested their remittance. Cookbooks, slippers, and a toothbrush are not spoils of war. Unless otherwise instructed, the U. Postal Service is not an appropriate way to divide your belongings.

One boyfriend, a politico, went full My Lai on me as he bolted for the jungle. It was the most terrifying 14 minutes of my life, and I got shingles on my face. Relationship PTSD is no excuse for brutality. If you panic, then double back and try again. Never leave a body on the battlefield.

Knocking it out right before you dump her is a disastrous choice. Journalist ex-boyfriend. Asking for sex immediately after is worse Mr. Banker, Mr. Tech Exec. Always say goodbye in person. I like to pick a quiet, well-lit place.

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Never dump her in bed. Prep her, let her know you need to get something heavy off your chest. Avoid booze. These golden words are gleaned from years of experience, so use the incantation wisely:. Really, this is your only job. The good break-up deserves all the kindness and compassion befitting a great romance.

Breaking up can be one-sided, but tender endings require bilateral negotiation. Bonus: If you upgrade your let-downs, there can be other benefits: Many couples reunite after a time-out. While some zombie romances are worth beheading, others look pretty good after months of swiping left on Tinder. Someday you could be on the receiving end of a colossal heave-ho. As long as turnabout is foreplay, only ever dump her as you might wish to be dumped. You're not alone. Read article.

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Tell the truth — but don’t be cruel

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Neil Sedaka said it best.


In the beginning, it's exciting.