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By Ronnie CohenReuters Health. NEW YORK Reuters Health - Single lesbians report having orgasms more often than heterosexual women but both gay and straight men still come out on top of the climax chart, a new report says. Researchers at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University in Bloomington analyzed responses from 2, single Americans to online questionnaires.
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A married woman, on holiday recently in Miami, booked a massage in the spa at the famous five-star hotel where she was staying. The masseur was male, which didn't bother the lady in question - she'd had a dodgy shoulder for a week, exacerbated by the transatlantic flight, and preferred the firmer approach of a male therapist. He left the room while she put on the skimpy see-through spa pants and, on his return, she thoroughly enjoyed his deft touch as he released all the accumulated stress in her back, breathing audibly with the effort of loosening her tension.
Then she turned over and he began to work on her legs, which were also very tight.
She was surprised at how long he was spending on her upper thighs, but it felt pleasant, so she did not complain. Gradually his fingers edged closer to the hem of the pants. What an interesting knot he must have found, she mused, and how assiduous he is in trying to get rid of it; we are all professional adults here, she thought, and thank goodness I waxed just before my trip. Then his fingers slipped into her pants.
The lady was surprised, but Andreas's manipulations felt 'nice', so she did not ask him to stop. And so, urged on by her tacit approval, he brought her to a climax. There was no additional charge for this. It has long been acknowledged that men will, on occasion, receive 'happy endings' when they have a massage. But the notion of a woman enjoying similar ministrations from a male or female practitioner is far more unusual.
In my research for this piece, I only heard of one example - our friend in Miami, who is still a little startled by but not regretful of her experience. However, the feeling in the industry is that in the not-too-distant future this sort of 'therapy' will become much more mainstream, available on the spa menus of upmarket resorts and smart hotels the world over. The general manager of a very swanky hotel in the Maldives with a big-name-beauty-brand spa says there is already an additional service called 'special stretching'.
But for the present, 'progress' in this field is happening on the margins of the holistic-therapy world, where it remains clandestine, unregulated and subject to imaginative euphemisms.
Martin, a successful London-based male osteopath who specialises in gynaecological disorders, thinks this is a shame, partly because women's sexual pleasure is so much more complicated than men's, and really they could do with all the help they can get, but also because 'for me it is just a question of equality - why are you not allowed to have a massage for 50 minutes and have an orgasm in the last 10 minutes? This happens for men all the time.
But hardly ever for women. There would certainly be a market for it, if the experience of a handsome masseur tall, dark, man bun at an eye-wateringly expensive spa in central London is anything to go by. I'm often asked to sort out a problem on the inner thigh; one lady even said her "inguinal crease" had an issue. Some will be more subtle, bringing up the idea of "exotic massage" and asking me if I know anything about it. Maybe it is the high-net-worth women I treat, but they're very forward with this stuff. I was once walking through reception and a woman looked at me and said to the receptionist, "I'd like a treatment with him, please - whatever he does.
One of the female therapists I work with had a woman give herself her own happy ending at the end of the treatment - like she wasn't there. She then just got up and put her robe on and left like nothing had happened. But until Edward relents, or Martin opens his clinic, women who want more than just a vigorous rubdown with scented oils need to venture to more avant-garde destinations, such as California - the only place in the world that gives official certification to 'sexological bodyworkers'.
They are trained at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco in 'touch, breath and movement to become familiar with, articulate about and competent in the uses of profound ecstatic and erotic states'. They learn female and male genital massage, as well as masturbation training and 'embodiment' - fully inhabiting their bodies and teaching others how to do this.
They can then treat all sorts of people, from those who just want a really good time, to those who have experienced abuse, trauma or an inability to connect with other human beings and to feel pleasure. Which is indubitably a problem. I would say that 20 per cent of them don't even know what a clitoris is,' says Martin.
There are sexological bodyworkers in the UK too, but they are not officially certified. Shireen is British but trained in Australia and is now based in Grantham, where she masturbates clients for money: 'Some do come to me thinking they are just going to get a happy ending, but what I am doing is educational - it is about teaching people to ask for the touch they want, to notice the difference between types of touch, what they like, what they don't like. Sessions last about two hours, and her clients are mainly men, but she does see some women too.
Back in San Francisco, you will find the headquarters of OneTaste, founded in and committed to the exploration of the female orgasm through the practice of Orgasmic Meditation. The process, which founder Nicole Daedone spent a of years industriously perfecting, involves a clothed male or female lightly rubbing the upper left-hand quadrant of a woman's clitoris for exactly 15 minutes usually timed on an iPhone.
The orgasm cure
Apparently there are more nerve endings in this part of the clitoris than anywhere else, but although orgasm is not assured, deep, resonant and psychologically transformative sexual pleasure is promised. The woman receiving the OM will be naked from the waist down and lying in a nest of pillows.
There is a rigorous protocol involved, including rubber gloves, lubricant and a concluding 'framing' conversation in which the two people involved discuss how they felt during the meditation. Coaching packages of three, six and 12 sessions are also offered with a personal OM trainer 'to give you guidance and feedback to ensure your OM practice is attuned' and 'improve your stroke'. In a TEDx speech given by Daedone about female pleasure, which has been watched by over 1. However, the yoga community already knows quite a bit about the female orgasm. He is an Old Etonian who fell into yoga over a decade ago after becoming dissatisfied with his career as an actor.
He offers all sorts of services to help people who are having trouble with their sexuality, including yoni massage.
Pain is a al that we are in need of healing. Jimmy's 'healing' begins with a conversation about what the client might need, at which point he will suggest they might like to see a female practitioner instead. When he has their absolute consent, they will do some meditation together, followed by a two-hour body massage and, once his client is relaxed, he will enter the yoni with his fingers and 'map the geography' of the vagina: 'The G-spot, the K-spot, the A-spot - no one teaches this stuff to women.
This is a borderland of sexual experimentation where the liability is all your own. Jimmy says that he is 'very boundaried. I make it clear that there is no reciprocation. He takes this side of his work so seriously that he is also training to become a psychotherapist.
I think things get dangerous when you start to claim to be able to cure psychological issues. His version of yoni massage would involve a head massage, a figure-of-eight massage around the breasts and some breath work into the sternum before progressing to massage the stomach and mons pubis. I spoke to many women in the process of researching this article, and pretty much all agreed that if a regulated and safe service was available that would enable them to discover more about their potential for sexual pleasure, they would want to try it.
Female sexuality is incredibly complex, emotionally and imaginatively, as well as physically. It is also something that women are often too embarrassed to discuss openly, even with their partners. For women, this kind of service might not be offering a happy ending so much as a happy beginning. The elephant in the room, really.
This, more than anything, is what women want to understand and experience.
I am only just about managing one'Alexandra Katehakis, founder and clinical director of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, has some sage advice: 'I have read so much scientific research on the female orgasm, and what I have learnt is that everyone's sexuality is as unique as their fingerprint. All women describe their orgasms differently, so really there are as many different types of orgasm as there are women.
I would not get hung up on trying to tick off different types. Don't hold your breath when you have sex. I tell my clients to imagine the breath going in and out of their vaginas with their inhalations and exhalations, which will increase bloodflow and sensitivity. And don't tense your body - with tension comes numbness. Keep your pelvis loose and your legs floppy.
These two simple things will definitely improve sensitivity and orgasm. Martin, with his extensive knowledge of the female anatomy, also has some suggestions: 'Vaginal orgasms are extremely mechanical. They involve stimulation of the G-spot. Once you have found it, it needs to be stimulated by repetitive touch for at least 15 minutes before penetration.
Then the best sexual position to continue this stimulation is for the woman to be on her back, a cushion under her bottom, and for their partner to be sat on his heels, so the penis is angled upwards. This position and a repetitive motion will have to be maintained for at least a further 15 minutes.
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